Reduce Your Holiday Stress
Why Are Holidays so Stressful and How to Slow Down
According to an article from Entrepreneur.com, more than 60% of baby boomers, gen Xers and millennials report feeling increased stress at holiday time. This is at least partially owed to strained relationships and forced interactions with family during the most socially overbooked and financially burdensome time of year.
https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/253953
So why, when we think of celebrating another year coming to a close, and celebrating that with our relatives, does this incite panic attacks and neurosis rather than a peaceful, and benevolent feeling? And a better question, how to avoid conflict at Christmas? Below, some reasons and solutions to family stress at the holidays.
Clashes of Personality
Not everyone has the same ideas about things, and that's no more apparent than when the entire family gets together. Whether it's quibbling over how long to cook the turkey, arguing over who gets to host and who gets to make the trip… not agreeing on how much to spend on presents, or navigating conversational minefields… different family personality types can come into conflict at holiday time for sure.
What to Do About It
The best way to deal with personality conflicts at family holiday gatherings is to put each person in charge of a specific task or job and then just let them handle it without interference. If socializing sends sparks flying around the holiday table, strategic seating works wonders. Finally, if a few different people really don't know how to play nice at family get-togethers, you might consider hosting different events for different sets of family members.
Money Matters
Financial stress ranks high on the list of reasons why families argue during the holiday season. Different people may have very different thoughts about what is a reasonable amount to spend, whether it's on gifts, parties, outings or something else. Grandma's idea for having the entire family board a plane to Disney during winter break may not have been in your budget plan for the year.
What to Do About It
The key to avoiding family arguments over money is to initiate frank discussions and come to a compromise. The first step is to give enough lead time to allow each branch of the family tree enough time for budgeting and planning. A sit-down discussion or group email conversation may be of help if you need to hash out details. Questions like "How much do we all agree to spend on each child in the family" "Will adults be exchanging Christmas gifts, and what's our budget for this?" can help put everyone in a cooperate frame of mind. Some fun workarounds to keeping the holiday gift budget low and minimizing Christmas shopping confusion include Secret Santa, Grab Bag, and the "Take Or Pass" Christmas Present Game
Family Members Who Drink Too Much
Family members who imbibe to excess take family holiday celebrations to a new and exciting level of dysfunction. The most obvious objection to this is the possibility of someone getting behind the wheel while intoxicated. Barring that, just being in the presence of a drunk person affects all members of a family. Mood swings, aggressive behavior, unpredictable antics, and of course the trickle-down effect of having to take responsibility for someone who won't be responsible for themselves or their children if they're a parent, can really do a number everyone involved.
What to Do About It
Tipsiness happens at the holidays. So if someone has a few too many glasses of wine, doesn't plan to drive and isn't impacting anyone else other than maybe laughing too loud, that's forgivable. However, if you find yourself enabling an alcoholic or addict over the holidays or that things are getting ugly, it may be time for a family intervention. You might first approach the loved one closest to the problematic drunk in question, such as a spouse, parent or live-in partner. If that doesn't seem to be working, you do have permission to not include alcoholics at family gatherings with the understanding that they will be welcomed back into the fold after they learn to control themselves and get a handle on their addiction.
Why Are Holidays so Stressful and How to Slow Down
Do you approach the holiday season with a Norman Rockwell vision that never seems to pan out? Aren't holidays supposed to be a time for peace and joy? When did the Christmas season go from being a time of gratitude to a time of stress and dread?
Below, a few reasons why the holidays are stressful and how to cope.
Expectations.
In the old days, Christmas meant that kids got a few pieces of candy in their stocking and maybe a single toy that they'd been wishing for. The focus was on a single day when family got together to feast on delicious food and enjoy each other's company. But slowly, over generations, Christmas has become an unattainable, larger-than-life ideal of excess consumerism and not a lot of quality bonding.
If you're balking at the list of overpriced, cheaply constructed toys on the kids' holiday list this year, thinking you'll never be able to handle the explosion of holiday parties and all the obligatory shoulds that go along with them… then maybe it's time to tone down your to-do list and instead focus on what really matters. Each other!
Guilt.
Even if people still say "Money can't buy happiness," they still try like heck to make the opposite true, at Christmas time more than any other time of year. Probably the biggest reason why we try to outdo ourselves with gift-giving for our families each Christmas is that we're trying to overcompensate for something that we can never get back: lost quality time.
This is the information age, a time when technology drives our every action, and it can make people bonkers not to mention take us away from what's really important - being 100% present and available to the people who matter most, like our children and our partners.
Somewhere, buried deep in our psyches, is this feeling of perpetual guilt at all we aren't able to give to those who mean most, because we're busy, distracted, grumpy and trying to be everything to everyone all the time. So to make up for this, we search for the ultimate retail Christmas gifts for family. And actually, if we just did the opposite, which is lower our expectations to something reasonable, a Christmas miracle might actually occur. We'd get what we really want for Christmas: quality time and connection.
Over-indulgence.
December is a month-long celebration, with one party after another. Drinks flow, rich and fattening food is plentiful, and we find ourselves engaging in the act of Christmas cookie cramming just to get rid of the stressed-out, crappy feeling that's leftover from trying to herd the entire family into the mom-van and battling holiday traffic in lousy weather so we could show up in our holiday-best for yet another merry mixer.
You may wonder how to possibly avoid over-eating, drinking too much, partaking in too many sweets, and generally feeling the after-effects of the constant sugar high and crash that is the entire month of December. The key is in the planning.
Having a stockpile of healthy snacks on hand will keep you from careening into the DD drive through after a frustrating and draining retail shopping experience. Think trail mix with nuts and dried fruits, a bag with sliced apples and chunks of cheese. If you plan to hit the road with the kids in tow, pack a family food bag with healthy foods so you won't skip lunch and then make a bad choice later.
How to Reduce Stress During the Busy Holiday Season
Are you tired of the holidays being synonymous with stress? Do you yearn for the simple sentiments of Christmas past, and to stop buying so many darned Christmas presents?
Here are a few ideas for bringing meaning into your merrymaking this holiday season.
Choose Simple, Thoughtful Gifts.
It may seem easier to just hit the mall on a big sale day, but retail Christmas gifts rarely deliver in the meaningfulness department. A picture frame filled with special family memories, a hand-knitted hat and mitten set, or even an agreed-upon family getaway in lieu of mall gifts for Christmas, can really set the tone for a special and meaningful holiday.
It's Okay To Say No.
You really needn't feel obligated to attend every event that crops up during the busy month of December. If you, like most of us, have trouble figuring out when "fun plans" are morphing into "If I have to show up at another event wearing another ugly holiday sweater I'm going to lose my mind," then do this. Try to shoot for ONE plan per weekend day for the entire month of December. In rare cases, for example if you're doing volunteering in the morning and a Christmas party in the evening, then it could be two. But DO try not to overbook this year. I promise it will greatly enhance the quality of your social interaction this holiday season!
Give yourself and your family the gift of time.
If you're doubling and tripling up on Christmas plans in a single weekend day (such as a Saturday), then it's too much. If you're trying to cram in Christmas tree and house decorating weekend with other social plans, it's too much. If you're having to be two places that are more than 30 minutes away from each other within a span of 4 hours, it's too much. We can't do and be everything to everybody, even more so at holiday time. So give yourself permission to save your Yeses for the things and people who matter most, and offer a polite "no thank you, maybe next time" to everyone and everything else!
Stockpile Goodies and Little Gifts.
How much holiday baking and shopping can one person humanly accomplish and still manage to enjoy themselves? A good way to not be so frazzled this Christmas season is to keep some ready-to-go gifts and goodies on hand. This way, if you accept an unexpected last-minute invite, you won't be stuck in your kitchen trying to will the oven to bake faster. You won't be cussing under your breath at the automated checkout line in the grocery store. Think cheap but festive holiday tins, packaged cookies, chocolates and candy canes, and anything small like a holiday votive candle set that would make a nice take-along last-minute gift.
Online shopping is one of the best ways to feel WAY less stressed during the holiday season! Nothing beats having the entire family's cache of Christmas gifts delivered right to your doorstep. You can't go wrong with Amazon Prime for speed of delivery and value price. And if you want vintage and homemade, then head on over to Etsy.com to get your pick of handmade and handcrafted items to hand out at the holidays this year.
How to Sneak Healthy Benefits into Your Christmas Social Calendar
Do you feel pressured to meet up for cocktails and cookies during the busy, busy holiday season? Feel like you'll soon be cheating on your diet and giving up those healthy habits you worked so hard to cultivate?
Getting together with friends and family for Christmas gatherings needn't be a recipe for excess or an excuse to make unhealthy choices. Here's a list of head and heart-healthy events to attend with friends and family for a holiday season that will benefit you body, mind and soul.
Massage Meetup.
Send massages of good cheer! This year, invite a small group of girlfriends for a "spa day" complete with relaxing professional massages, and your choice of personal pampering. Cleansing facials, body wraps and sauna time could all be a part of your relaxing and rejuvenating girls' day out.
Sing Together.
Singing is exercise for the lungs, as you're practicing breath control without even thinking about it - not unlike meditation. When we blend voices in harmony, we spread positive, feel-good vibes. And as you breathe in a big gulp of air before drawing out a long note, you're taking a deep inhale of oxygen which heals and nourishes the entire body down to the cellular level. So put Christmas caroling and Christmas karaoke down on your list of must-do healthy activities this holiday season. Singing makes you feel great because it truly is great for you.
Host a "Healthy Holidays" Party.
Bets are good that more friends than you realize may be wishing for more healthy choices and less fattening fare around the holiday table. If you're hosting this year, let it be known that December's gathering will be a "pot luck" of everyone's favorite, healthy holiday dishes. Think fruits and veggies, healthy proteins, vegetarian selections, and baked goods made with higher quality ingredients like whole grain flour and less sugar. Relatives and friends will more than likely be grateful for your candor and happy to healthily accommodate.
Do Holiday Handicrafts.
Making things with our own hands helps us feel grounded and reduces feelings of stress and overwhelm. This holiday season, why not host a crafting party with your girlfriends, or with moms and kids? Christmas ornament painting, knit and crochet, needlepoint or woodworking can make an enjoyable and satisfying activity that puts everyone in a relaxed mood. And what's more… in the end, everyone will have a special, handmade gift to give.
Peace And Joy Can Be Yours With Yoga.
Yoga is a simple and enjoyable way to improve your health through stress-relieving exercise. If you usually do yoga alone, why not branch out and make it a group event this holiday season? You and your friends can leave the yoga studio with a yoga high and a mission to spread peace, love and joy this holiday season.
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